The Fire that Burns Us Both
by ninjanervana
Summary: One-Shot. Post City of Lost Souls. Clary is stuck waiting in the hall outside of Jace's bedroom, listening to him scream in pain from the heavenly fire.


Hey readers! It's ninjanervana back again with yet another Mortal Instruments story. You would think I had an addiction or something. (I do.) Be sure to check out my other Mortal Instruments story, Restless Nights! I do not own the characters. Please leave a review!

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Clary ran her hand through her bright red hair, tugging at it as Jace's cries of pain rang through the Institute. It had been four days since they had come back from the battle at Burren, since they fought Sebastian. Clary had managed to sneak into Jace's room the day before with a little cooperation from Brother Zachariah, to apologize and talk and just be with Jace. She still couldn't believe she had gotten him back, her Jace, and she wanted to spend every second she could with him, to reassure herself that this was her Jace, not the other one who wore his face but was empty inside.

Unfortunately the Silent Brothers had other plans for them today. They still didn't know what to do about the heavenly fire that ran through Jace's veins, that made him glow as if he held the sun beneath his skin, that made him burn things when his heart rate got too high. There was no precedence for anything like it. All the Silent Brothers could do was run tests to see if they could possibly remove the fire from him.

Clary had arrived at the Institute around noon, hoping she could sneak in again to see Jace. Her hope grew even more when she saw Brother Zachariah standing outside of his room; he had let her in yesterday and hopefully he was feeling just as lenient today. But her hope was for nothing.

 _'Clarissa Morgenstern,'_ Brother Zachariah spoke in her mind, his voice calm and clear.

"Brother Zachariah," she greeted him, a small smile on her lips. "Is Jace in his room?"

 _'He is, but you cannot enter,'_ he answered. _'No one can enter.'_

Clary's hand instinctively reached for her stele in her pocket; if she had to force her way past the Silent Brother, she would, or at least she would try. She wasn't sure how strong Silent Brothers were. "Why not?" she asked warily.

Although Clary couldn't see his face, she could have sworn she detected a faint smile on his lips. _'The Silent Brothers are conducting tests; they are not to be disturbed.'_

"Oh," Clary replied, her shoulders slumping. If they were trying to help Jace, the last thing she wanted to do was disturb them. She looked around the empty hall, trying to decide what to do. She didn't want to go home to her mom and Luke nor did she want anyone else's company. Sighing, she slipped her backpack from her shoulders, sitting down beside Jace's door. "I guess I'll wait for him then."

 _'It may be long before you can see him,'_ Brother Zachariah warned.

"For the ones you love, you have nothing but time, right?" she answered, looking up at the hooded figure.

 _'Yes, yes you are right,'_ Brother Zachariah replied.

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Jace's screams started around five o'clock. Izzy and Alec had both stopped by to keep her company, waiting to see if they'd get the chance to see Jace, before being called away to other tasks. The hallway had been silent for most of the afternoon; having a Silent Brother for company made for a quiet atmosphere.

When Jace's first scream pierced the air, Clary leapt to her feet, yanking her stele out of her pocket. Her first thought was that Sebastian had come back for them, that he was torturing Jace as she sat outside his room. She knew Sebastian would come back for them eventually, but she thought they had more time. Nothing about Sebastian was predictable. As she reached for the door handle, Brother Zachariah's hand clamped onto her wrist, his grip immovable.

 _'You cannot enter the room, Clarissa Morgenstern,'_ he stated.

"They're hurting him," she shouted back, her green eyes wide with fear and anger. "I have to stop him."

 _'The heavenly fire hurts him, not the Silent Brothers.'_

Clary felt as if she had been punched in the stomach, her stele nearly slipping from her hand. Those gut-wrenching screams were caused by something she inflicted upon him, something she cursed him with. _She_ was the reason that he was screaming in pain. She shook her head jerkily, her heart pounding. "Not if he's more heaven's than hell's," she whispered to herself.

 _'Heaven's fire will not kill him because his soul is pure, but it causes him pain at times,'_ Brother Zachariah replied. _'That is why it is important for the Silent Brothers to remove the heavenly fire; that is why we must not interrupt them. They will not harm Jace Herondale.'_

She stared at the closed door, wincing as another scream filled the air, tearing at her heart. She placed her hand against the door, as if she could reach Jace through it and pull him away from his pain. "Lightwood," Clary said softly, slumping down beside the door. "He's Jace Lightwood."

 _'Jace Lightwood,'_ he repeated as he moved to stand beside her. _'Jace Lightwood will not be harmed by the Silent Brothers. You have my word.'_

Clary nodded numbly, pulling her knees up to her chest and wrapping her arms around them as she prepared herself to wait. She had had a lot of nightmares over the years, even more since Sebastian came back, but she knew for years to come, her nightmares would be filled by the screams she heard that evening.

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The next two and a half hours became a living hell for Clary as she listened to Jace scream while she was unable to help him. It tore her apart to know she had inflicted this upon him, that she filled his veins with heavenly fire and now it caused him such pain, all he could do was scream out in agony. And there was nothing she could do to help him; there was no rune she could draw to ease him, she couldn't even go in the room and hold his hand until the pain passed. All she could do was bear witness to his pain and be there when they finally let her into the room.

She was vaguely aware of Brother Zachariah's hand squeezing her shoulder gently as Jace's screams stopped, the sudden silence jarring. She looked at him, her green eyes haunted.

 _'The Silent Brothers will be departing shortly,'_ Brother Zachariah said. _'And Jace Lightwood will be thirsty from his difficult evening. He has not had a chance to rest this day.'_

Clary nodded, taking the hint. She stood up slowly, her limbs stiff from her lack of movement. "Thank you," she said softly, grabbing her backpack from the floor before hurrying to the kitchen.

She wasn't gone more than five minutes, but when she returned to Jace's room with a pitcher of water and a glass, Brother Zachariah was gone. She quickly opened Jace's bedroom door, slipping inside and shutting the door behind her. The last thing she wanted was someone trying to stop her.

Jace laid on his bed, his forearm over his eyes, as his bare chest rose and fell rapidly. In the dimly lit room, she could see his skin glowing faintly, the flames of the heavenly fire moving beneath his skin. "Please tell me you haven't come back to do another test," he said flatly, his eyes still closed.

She stood by the door for a moment, watching him before making her way across the room. "No tests, just water," Clary answered as she set the pitcher and glass on his nightstand.

His eyes flipped open at the sound of her voice, a smile stretching across his lips. "Clary," he breathed as he looked up at her. He grabbed her hand, pulling her to sit on the edge of his bed. "What are you doing here?"

"Is that any way to greet your girlfriend?" she teased as she wrapped both of her hands around his. She could feel how much warmer he was now, wondered briefly if he would ever feel cold again. "Maybe I should take my refreshingly cool water and go."

"Don't you dare," Jace chuckled, kissing her knuckles lightly. Even that light touch gave Clary butterflies and caused a light blush to cover her cheeks. "I didn't expect you to come today. Though you would have been much better company than the Silent Brothers, much easier on the eyes."

Clary rolled her eyes playfully, pulling her hands away to pour his water. "Good to know I rank above the Silent Brothers, huge ego boost," she said dryly.

"Well I figured I didn't have to tell you that you're the most gorgeous woman in the world. It's just my ego that needs that kinda stroking," he answered easily, taking the glass of water from her hand. He downed it in an instant, a contented sigh leaving his lips. "You have no idea how much I needed that."

"I have a pretty good idea," Clary mumbled, the words slipping from her lips before she could stop them.

"What do you mean?" Jace asked warily.

Clary was quiet for a moment, her gaze focused on her lap. She hadn't meant to tell Jace that she had been there, had listened to him all afternoon; she knew he would just find a way to blame himself. "I showed up around twelve hoping I could see you, but Brother Zachariah said you couldn't be disturbed. So I waited outside," she explained quietly.

Jace looked stricken, his gold eyes wide. "All day?"

She nodded jerkily, raising her green eyes to meet his. "I'm sorry," Clary said thickly. "This is all my fault."

"No, Clary," he said, putting his empty cup on the nightstand before taking her hands in his. "None of this is your fault.

"Don't lie, Jace," she retorted, her voice wavering. She tightened her grip on his hands, holding tightly to him as if it would help her hold herself together. " _All_ of this is my fault. If I hadn't lied in the first place about bring you back from the dead, none of this would have happened. Sebastian wouldn't have been brought back, none of those people would have died, and you wouldn't be in pain from the fire that _I_ put into your veins."

"Clary, it doesn't-"

"Jace Lightwood, if you tell me that heavenly fire doesn't hurt you, I will lose my mind," Clary interrupted. "I listened to you scream for hours; I sat outside your door with Brother Zachariah and listened to you scream as if you were being tortured. I thought for a second that Sebastian had come and found you. So do not-do not tell me it doesn't hurt."

Jace sighed, raking his hand through his hair. "It's going to get better as I learn to control it," he finally said.

"And until then, you're going to have moments like that. When you're screaming in pain."

"But that isn't your fault. You didn't know what the heavenly fire would do. You saved my life, Clary," he said firmly. "If you hadn't stabbed me with Glorious, I would still be tied to Sebastian. I'd rather be dead than be tied to him. You saved me; I need you to remember that."

Clary sighed, her shoulders slumping. "I just don't want another thing to fill my nightmares. I can't handle more guilt and terror."

Jace sat up against the headboard before slowly pulling Clary onto his lap. Clary stiffened immediately, unsure of how his heavenly fire would react to her closeness. "It's okay," he said softly, his arm loosely wrapped around her waist. "This is okay."

She nodded slowly, resting her head against his shoulder. Her body slowly relaxed into his, his warmth seeping into her. "This is another reason I hate this stupid fire," she muttered. "We can't do _anything_."

He laughed softly, pressing a kiss to her forehead. "That makes two of us," he chuckled. "But it isn't all bad. At least we have a weapon that we might be able to use against Sebastian. We just have to figure out how."

"Is that all?" Clary replied dryly, her eyes closing. As guilt-ridden and terrified as she felt, Jace's presence always managed to relax her, his loving touch soothing her frazzled nerves.

"Yeah, that's it," Jace replied easily, his head resting against hers. "Until then, it'll be you and me, dealing with our demons and fighting some real ones."

A small smile graced Clary's lips as she wrapped an arm around his torso, making herself comfortable. "You and me. Sounds perfect."

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